Investing in your relationship
One of the best parts about RV life has been being in close quarters with my partner. I can now confidently say that if you ever REALLY want to find out how you two work together as a team, then go ahead and do it in a tiny living space where you literally have to empty your own sewage tank together, haha!
As humans, we are ever-changing beings by nature. As relationships mature, our love deepens with our partner.
But we can also become complacent with them, and ourselves.
The result? We need to reintroduce ourselves & invest in our relationships.
Doing so can help us keep our spark alive. Not doing so can lead to some emotional distance…. But at worst, you might even become strangers. This can hurt the potential of the partnership long-term.
My man and I were in a great headspace going into this 24-day motorhome adventure— yet we STILL knew we would benefit the experience of investing in our time together.
I’ve learned that managing anything important in your life is not about waiting around & then being reactive. It’s about learning how to be PROactive (and preventative).
This action speaks louder than words. It shows that your love is a priority in this hectic life! Versus desperately scrambling to put out emotional fires, or throwing bandaids to try and cover up very deep-seeded relationship cracks that need more honest addressing.
Here are four important ways to invest in your relationship - All of which have helped us grow and thrive.
Cultivate a positive moment daily: Don’t say you’re too busy to do this step, because you obviously find time to scroll social media, read the news, or watch your fav Netflix series. You owe it to yourself & partner to carve out time for each other, too. It could be evening walks, morning coffees, or no-phone zones for bedtime cuddles. Basically: MAKE a DAILY warm and positive touch-point.
Consider their feelings: You can’t walk a mile in their shoes, but you can make the effort to contemplate their inner-world. What are they excited about? What’s causing them stress? What is motivating them? Why might they have yelled at the kids, or, to behave out-of-character like that? This thought process builds empathy, and helps you gain a more nuanced understanding of how they operate.
Invest in relationship resources: Explore podcasts, books, courses, therapy, and apps that help you learn how to discuss important topics, grow your love + understanding of one another, or to overcome any underlying issues that need resolving. We are big into self-development on an individual level but we also make the effort to use these resources together, such as reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Champman and revisiting the Love Language resource at the end of the book every few months to ensure we are still “speaking” the correct love language as we change and evolve. And, we are loving the relationship growth App, Evergreen, that we fill out every night together to water the plant that is our relationship.
Invest in yourself, too: (Honestly in my opinion this one should come first but there’s no real order to this list). The point is, if you spend all your time, love, money, and energy pouring in to another person then you’re always setting yourself up for failure because the NUMBER ONE relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself. The same careful consideration I just broke down here should ALWAYS apply to yourself. Take time to reintroduce yourself TO yourself. Set ambitious goals, learn and explore new things by yourself, make treating and pleasuring yourself a priority, and make sure solo-dates are marked in your calendar. Respecting yourself leads to greater respect within ALL your relationships, not just your romantic one.
I’m not saying you need to go find an enclosed van for 24-days to do this….. We did not wait to rent a motorhome before CHOOSING to prioritize each other. In fact, this road trip idea was born out of a random date night over drinks and supper down the street from our apartment! We were both fed up of our complacent work grind, and decided to think outside of the box to come up with a fun project to plan together. We brought our laptops to cafes and opened up a notepad to plan a potential cross-Canada route. We got more excited and started dreaming of how big my belly would be by the time we got to whichever tourist site.
This trip consisted of making time to plan, budgeting, saving money, compromise/hearing each others’ concerns, and has been well worth the time and effort it took us to make this happen.
So keep dating your partner (and yourself). If you’re not sure where to begin, here are some questions to consider:
How do you currently invest in your relationship with your partner?
How do you currently invest in your relationship with your Self?
What new habits would you like to build together?
Are there new experiences you’d like to share together? If so, what?
And remember, the more honest you are about all these answers, the more authentic the bond and connection you’ll share together.
Filling up your “relationship bank account” is a shared responsibility. It becomes especially important to consciously invest in it when you throw other factors into them mix like demanding workloads, children, older family members, finances, and more. Some days, you might be able to contribute more than others, and that’s not only okay, it’s normal. But remember, it’s the proactive, consistent effort that will make a difference as you and your relationship evolve long-term.
Be willing to break the rigidity of your routine to immerse yourself in a new experience together.
Most importantly: Have FUN.
Amanda xx